taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
