Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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