First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
