Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize