Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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