I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
