I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
