It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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