do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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