I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
