I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
