Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
