it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
