I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
