She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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