You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
