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Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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