welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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