we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I deserve this hangover.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
