I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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