apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
