happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
