I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
