I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
