I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just pee around me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
