I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
