look no pants
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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