you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
