we have officially lost it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
