and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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