WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
