12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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