Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
