All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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