oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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