I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
