I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
