yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am one with the molecules
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
