just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
