Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
