I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
