I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
