he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
