i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
