I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
