Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
