he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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