im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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