What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
