Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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