You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
