Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
