He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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