As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
