You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
