can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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