I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
