Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize