Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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