I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
