Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
