There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize