do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
