Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
